Eli Manning

Lock up your daughters!

When looking at who is mediocre I can’t help but consider a player’s value, especially when dealing with active players.  For example, in the NBA, Carl Landry is not the best player in the league, but he’s a bargain.  Meanwhile, Tracy McGrady is still a decent player, but he’s not worth half of what he’s being paid.  Catch my drift?  In a lot of ways, Eli Manning is Tracy McGrady.

Don’t get me wrong, Eli Manning is a fine quarterback.  I just happen to think that he’s roughly league-average.  Now, having a league-average QB is perfectly fine.   But, did you know that Manning (Eli, NOT Peyton) was the 3rd highest paid player in the NFL in 2009 (trailing Jay Cutler and Phil Rivers).

Fans of Manning will make this argument: “Hey, the guy won a Super Bowl and engineered one hell of a comeback agains the undefeated Patriots, he cannot possibly be an average QB.”  That’s all fine and dandy, but that was one game.  Let me lay some facts on you about young Eli:

• Of all quarterbacks to start at least 50 games since 2004 (when Eli entered the league), he ranks DEAD LAST in QB rating.  There is not a player on the list that ranks lower.  He trails QB legends such as David Carr and Marc Bulger.
• Looking again at the same group of QB’s, he ranks DEAD LAST again in completion percentage.

That’s looking at Manning’s entire career and Manning fans will probably point out that it’s not totally fair to throw a QBs rookie season in there against grizzled veterans.  Fine.  I’ll buy that.  They’ll probably also say that Manning has really been great the last two seasons.  I think that’s cherry-picking, but I’ll indulge you.  Over the last two seasons, here is how Eli compares to other starting QBs:

• 12th in passer rating.
• 17th in completion percentage.
• 9th in TDs
• 12th in yards per game
• 15th in completions

That looks pretty middle of the road to me.  No matter what passing statistic you want to pick, Manning looks just about average.  Again, that’s all fine and dandy, but the guy rakes in tons of cash and is often lauded as one of the premier QBs in the sport.

Please, someone out there, prove that I am wrong.  Eli Manning is completely mediocre.

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Scott Mitchell

I think he might be crying.

Scott Mitchell had an absolute rifle for an arm.  He was imposing on the field, standing 6’6″ and weighing in at 240 pounds.  Many of his opponents insisted that he was actually closer to 6’9″, 280.  Mitchell cut his teeth learning the ropes at QB from the immortal Dan Marino while both were members of the Dolphins in the early 90′s.

In 1994, Mitchell signed a big-time free agent deal with the habitually mediocre Detroit Lions.  The Lions needed a big-time arm to pair with their dynamic receiving duo of Brett Perriman and Herman Moore and their all-world running back, Barry Sanders.

Scott “The Mule” Mitchell came out as a gun-slinger in his first season in Detroit, but struggled with injuries and as a result his performance suffered.  Luckily for the Lions, they had wily veteran Dave Krieg who stepped in and led the Lions to a 9 win season.

Refreshed after a long off-season, Mitchell came back like a bat out of hell in 1995 and did his best Marino impression.  That season, Mitchell threw for a career high, 4,338 yards and 32 scores.  Finally, his performance matched his body size:  BIG.  Scotty saved his best game of that season for Thanksgiving Day and a nationally televised audience.  Against their division rival Minnesota Vikings, Mitchell outdueled Hall of Fame QB, Warren Moon.  Mitchell hung 410 yards on the Vikings secondary that day, threw 4 touchdowns, and still found time to scramble for one yard in the Lions 44-38 victory.

Sadly, Mitchell completely imploded in the Lions playoff game in Philadelphia.  He threw 4 first half picks and the Lions fell behind 51-7, including a 38-7 halftime deficit.

The wheels fell off the following season as Mitchell guided the Lions to a 4-10 record before losing his job to one-time Pro Bowler, Don Majkowski.  He finished the season with 14 TDs and 14 picks.

In 1997, Mitchell and the Lions rebounded.  No longer possessing his cannon of an arm, Mitchell became more of a Trent Dilfer-type QB, throwing for fewer yards and scores, but leading the Lions to a 9-7 record.  This was just good enough for the Lions to lose yet another first round matchup, this time at the hands of Tampa Bay.

Scott Mitchell is remembered by Detroit fans for being the only QB in the last 20 years to give them at least one better than mediocre season.  That 1995 season seemed like a dream, but it was a dream surrounded by mediocrity and fist clenching failures.

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Worst Top Pick in NBA History

Get used to this Portland...

Today’s topic is draft busts.  The MLB draft is a tough nut to crack, while the NBA and NFL draft usually get most of the headlines.  I’ve never been a huge NFL guy, so I’ll focus on the NBA.  There have been some memorable draft busts over the years from Darko Milicic to Sam Bowie.  However, those guys were number two picks and the guys in the poll today are top picks, so that narrows things down.

Your duty as visitors of this fine site is to chose the worst top pick of the lottery era (since 1985).  Here’s the rundown on your choices:

• Greg Oden (2007):  Oden went as the top pick to the Blazers and was seen as a “can’t miss” sort of prospect.  Oden missed all of his rookie season with an injury.  In 2008-09 he got another shot as a “rookie” and played in 61 games averaging 8.9 ppg a 1 block per game.  He was amongst the league leaders in fouls and averaged a staggering 6.5 fouls per 36 minutes.  This season he appeared in 21 games before going down to a season-ending injury.  Picked before: Kevin Durant, Al Horford, and Aaron Brooks.
• Kwame Brown (2001): Kwame is nearly out of chances.  The Pistons made the mistake of giving him a 2-year deal which expires in June.  That really could be it for this guy.  Brown was drafted by Washington right out of high school and had his confidence obliterated by an aging Michael Jordan.  In his four seasons in DC, he averaged 10ppg only once.  Luckily for the Wizards they were able to trade him for Caron Butler.  Picked before: Pau Gasol, Joe Johnson, Tony Parker, Zach Randolph, and Gilbert Arenas.
• Michael Olowokandi (1998):  The Kandi Man was a disaster from the start, averaging 8 points per game on 43% shooting as a rookie for the hapless Clippers.  Kandi was highly-touted for some reason even though he played his college ball at the University of the Pacific.  In nine NBA seasons, Olowokandi averaged a pedestrian 8 points and 6 boards a game before falling out of the league in 2007.  Picked before: Vince Carter, Antawn Jamison, Dirk Nowitzi, Paul Pierce, and Rashard Lewis.
• Pervis Ellison (1989): I just went over Ellison in a post the other day.  Picked before: Glen Rice, Sean Elliott, Vlade Divac, and Shawn Kemp.

Now do your civic duty and VOTE:

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Jeff Conine

Coolest nickname in Marlins history.

Jeff Conine’s page at Baseball Reference doesn’t list his nickname as Mr. Marlin, but I’m quite sure that’s the only nickname he really has.  Conine was with the Marlins from the beginning, selected by the club in the 1992 Expansion Draft after the Kansas City Royals left him unprotected.

Conine promptly made his mark in Miami, placing third in the Rookie of the Year voting in 1993.  Conine made his only two All-Star Game appearances in the following two seasons.  1994 and 1995 were strike shortened seasons, yet Conine made the most of them, posting OPS+ totals of at least 130 in each season.  He was with the the Marlins all the way as they began their ascent to respectability and playoff contention.

During his time with the Marlins, Conine appeared in 6 playoff rounds.  His clubs won each round, winning World Series titles in 1997 and 2003.  He wasn’t with the Marlins the entire time as he bounced around the league a bit in-between, playing for both the Royals and the Orioles.

As he matured in his career, Conine bounced around from team to team and from position to position.  Primarily a first baseman, Conine also played left field, rightfield, and third base.  After that first run with the Marlins, Conine really moved around, often as a trade deadline trade chip.  He was involved in trades that included the following less-than-mediocre players:

• Blaine Mull
• Chris Fussell
• Don Levinski
• Denny Bautista
• Angel Chavez
• Brad Key
• Javon Moran
• Jose Castro
• Sean Henry

Quite a collection of crap, right?  No offense to those listed above, but that should tell us a little bit about Jeff Conine.  Conine played 17 big league seasons and collected over 1,900 hits and 200 home runs.  His career highlights include those two All-Star games and two World Series rings.  In fact, Conine was named the MVP of the 1995 All Star game and was a career .304 hitter in the playoffs.   Conine ended up sticking around until he was 41 years old and was one of the more respected players in the game.  Since retiring he has working with numerous charities, done some broadcasting for the Marlins and completed triathlons.

While he was a semi-star early in his career, Conine’s body of work suggests that he was largely mediocre…and that’s part of what makes him so memorable.

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Pervis Ellison

Does this man look nervous?

Who is Pervis Ellison?  A lot of people don’t know the name.  Would you believe he was the number one overall pick in the 1989 NBA Draft?  Seriously.  Ellison averaged an incredibly-mediocre 9.5 points per game for his NBA career after being a top pick.

The 1989 Draft was weak, but in retrospect, the Sacramento Kings could have made a better selection with that top pick.  They missed out on Glen Rice, Sean Elliott, Tim Hardawawy and Shawn Kemp.  However, Danny Ferry went with the 2nd pick.  So, yeah, the 1989 NBA Draft’s top two picks were Pervis Ellison and Danny Ferry.  The NBA, it’s FANNNNtastic!

Back to Pervis.  Ellison was a darn good college basketball player at Louisville.  He was a freshman on the Louisville team that won the National Title in 1986 and was named the tournament’s most outstanding player.  This was all as a freshman.  In many ways it was all downhill from there.  As a four-year starter at Louisville, Never Nervous Pervis averaged 15-8.  While in college he played 139 games, one of the top totals in NCAA history.

When he arrived in the NBA the problems began to pile up.  During his rookie season with the Kings, Ellison suffered through injuries and questionable play.  During his rookie season, Mr. Number One average a modest 8-6 in just 34 games.  Apparently the Kings knew what they had and traded Ellison to the Bullets once the season was done.  In return they received two white stiffs (Bob Hansen and Eric Leckner, 2 second round picks (amounting to nothing), and the 23rd pick of the first round (Anthony Bonner).  So, they essentially got nothing.  Way to go Pervis.

The following season, Ellison showed some heart.  He averaged 11 a game, primarily off the bench.  The next season, his third, Pervis won the Most Improved Player award as he poured in 20-11 a game for the 25-57 Bullets.  The following year, Ellison again struggled with injuries while averaging 17 a game.  After that Ellison never again appeared in more that 70 games in a single season.  He was released a few times in the following years and was out of the NBA by the time he was 33.

Ellison entered the league as a 6’9” 205 pound center.  However, later in his career with the Celtics and the Sonics, he was clearly much bigger, grew out some dreds, and looked tired all of the time.

Ellison ended up making over $20M as a pro athlete and currently coaches various basketball teams in Southern New Jersey.

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Otis Nixon

As a kid, I loved speed in my baseball players.  My favorite team as a kid (and now) was the Detroit Tigers.  The Tigers never featured much speed, but whenever they did, that guy instantly became my favorite player.  Seriously, what’s more exciting than the stolen base or the triple?  Nothing.  Absolutely nothing.

Vince Coleman was a favorite, though Ricky Henderson never did much for me.  My absolute favorite though was Otis Nixon, then of the Atlanta Braves.  I really first was obsessed with baseball in 1991.  That season featured the stories of two perennial doormats making a run at the postseason in the Minnesota Twins and the Atlanta Braves.

Nixon led off for that Braves team and man could he fly.  He was routinely featured on highlight reels for his wall-climbing catches.  I loved those catches and all of the steals, but I also liked Otis Nixon because he looked like a walking corpse.  He did not look like a professional athlete.  Nixon was bone-skinny and I hate to think what an HDTV would have meant to this poor man’s face.  Ugh.

Anyway, Nixon stole 72 bases in 1991, placing him 2nd in the National League.  What makes that accomplishment both sad and amazing is that Nixon missed the final month-plus of the season and the postseason due to a drug suspension from Major League Baseball.  The Braves were in the midst of the penant chase and the postseason and Otis Nixon finds time to get suspended for cocaine abuse.  Classy.

Nixon got his stuff together for the following season and played in the big leagues through the 1999 season.  He finished his career with nearly 1,400 hits and 620 stolen bases, good for 16th on baseball’s all-time list.  He was also a notorious thief in the minor leagues as well, once stealing 107 bases in a season.  Speed ran in the family as Otis’ brother, Donell, once stole 144 bases in a minor league season.

Since retiring, Otis has gotten his life in order.  He is now a Christian and runs On-Track Ministries.  It should be noted that his site also runs as a means to promote his book and his playing days.  Good stuff.  He is married to a gospel singer (she turns 70 in March!) and he stays busy Keeping it Real.

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Greatest White Dunkers

This guy won a slam dunk title.

If you watched the Slam Dunk Contest on Saturday night you were probably disappointed and/or bored.  What a mess that thing was.  I long for the old Slam Dunk contests.  Back when the stars weren’t afraid to take part and most of the dunk attempts ended in actual dunks rather than humiliating misses.

Back in the day we had quality dunkers like Spud Webb, Michael Jordan, Vince Carter and Brent Barry.  Speaking of Brent Barry, who do you think is the greatest white dunker?  I know how I would vote…

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Ron Gant

Ron Gant spent his best years as a member of the Atlanta Braves.  He started out as infielder with the Braves in 1987, but within a few years he was an outfielder.  Gant was a key piece of the 1991 Braves squad that made a run from last place in 1990 to the World Series the very next season.

You could probably make the argument that Gant was a bit beyond mediocre, since he played in two All-Star games and won the Comeback Player of the Year Award in 1995.  However, his career was riddled with injuries and a personality that was once described as being “too self absorbed” to be a star player.

Gant became only the third player in baseball history to put together  30HR-30SB in back-to-back seasons, joining Bobby Bonds and Willie Mays.  Barry Bonds would go on to joing this group shortly after Gant.  While Gant obviously is not on their level, that is still a pretty decent accomplishment.

In 1994, Gant signed one of the biggest contracts in Braves history and promptly broke his leg in an ATV accident.  I’m not here to judge Ron Gant, but if I just signed a HUGE contract to do a job that required I stay healthy, I would probably work on avoiding things like ATVs.

Anyhow, Gant missed all of the 1994 season due to the injury and his career was in jeopardy.  He was released by the Braves and signed with the Reds prior to the 1995 season.  The rejuvinated Gant responded with 29 homers and 23 stolen bases.  He parlayed that performance into a three-year run in St. Louis and another five years bouncing around the league before finally retiring after the 2003 season.

Gant showed up on the Hall of Fame ballot in 2008.  Most everyone knows that it takes 75% of the Hall vote to actually get elected to the HoF.  What some people don’t know is that if you fail to receive 5% of the vote, you are kicked off forever.  In 2008 Gant received 0 votes and was thus removed from the ballot.

When it was all said and done, Gant slugged over 300 homers and swiped over 200 bases.  His career OPS+ of 112 shows us that he was a slightly above average player who managed to carve out a nice 16 year career as a big league ball player.  Gant made nearly $45M as a big leaguer.

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Stacey Augmon

The Plastic Man throws one down.

I loved The Plastic Man.  Not only because he had one of the coolest nicknames in the history of sport, but because he could really throw down dunks.  I grew up as a Pistons fan in the late 1980s.  While the Pistons had some GREAT teams, including two championships, they didn’t have any big time dunkers or electric swingmen.  These were the players that excited me when I was younger.  I loved Isiah Thomas and Joe Dumars, but they couldn’t dunk.

When the Pistons traded for the lanky Augmon in the summer of 1996, I couldn’t have been more excited.  The Pistons finally had their exciting player.  I thought he was going to be the next Dominique Wilkins.

Well, Augmon was not the next Human Highlight Film.  The former lottery pick played only 20 games for the Pistons and average a paltry 4.5 points per game.  This was after averaging 13 points a game during his five years with the Atlanta Hawks.

Augmon would spend the rest of his career as a defensive stopper-type bench player.  He was a key role-player on some of those famous “Jail Blazer” teams of the late 1990s and wrapped up his career at the age of 37 with the Orlando Magic.  He became a little bit cranky when he joined the Magic.

During the 2004-2005 season, Augmon refused to speak to the media.  He collected some fines since this is a violation of league rules.  Players are required to make themselves available to the media, but Augmon refused to comply.  Later in the season he threw a bottle of lotion at a reporter, getting lotion all over the dude’s suit.  Stacey Augmon, not a fan of the media.

Sadly, Augumon’s finest days were in college.  He, along with Greg Anthony and Larry Johnson, led UNLV to a pretty impressive run of dominance in the late 1980s and early 1990s.  He was deemed worthy to represent the US in the 1988 Olympics and helped the men’s basketball team with a bronze medal.  This was the final year that the team was made up entirely of amature players.

Augmon currently works in a player development role with the Denver Nuggets.

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Top 10 Mediocre Movie Athletes

Today’s feature will be our first top-10 list. A while back I started thinking about some of my favorite sports movies and realized that a lot of the films on my list featured some pretty mediocre athletes. It’s hard to say which of these characters is the most mediocre so I more or less based the rankings on my personal favorites. Enjoy.

1. Teen Wolf (1985): Scott Howard played by Michael J. Fox. At only 5’4 it’s hard to imagine MJF actually playing basketball. And to say the least, Scott Howard was a poor basketball player. He even admits to having a “bad jump shot and a bad haircut” to his childhood friend “Boof.” I think one of the reasons I like this movie so much is that there is a girl called “Boof”, although I still cannot figure out where they came up with that name. Needless to say, Teen Wolf is a must see flick if you like MFJ, werewolves, urban surfing and mediocre basketball at its best.

2. The Replacements (2000): Shane Falco played by Keanu Reeves. I actually just watched this movie over the weekend. I don’t know what it is, but I love Keanu Reeves. He is such a commanding actor. In this film Reeves plays washed up QB, Shane Falco, who after a disappointing sugar bowl performance ends up scrubbing barnacles off the bottom of boats in the DC harbor. Falco is your typical under-achiever, a guy who never fully lives up to his potential. If I were to compare Shane Falco to an actual NFL quarterback I would say that he most closely resembles Mark Brunell (a poor man’s Mark Brunell).

3. Major League (1989): Jake Taylor played by Tom Berenger and Ricky “The Wild Thing” Vaughn played by Charlie Sheen. Major League is arguably the greatest movie of all time. If you haven’t seen it, then you’re missing out. Tom Berenger shines as a washed out catcher with two bad knees and a drinking problem. Charlie Sheen plays bad-boy Ricky Vaughn: a former convict with a rocket for an arm who nails cougars in his spare time.

4. Jerry Maguire (1996): Rod Tidwell played by Cuba Gooding Jr. Cuba won an Academy Award for best supporting actor for his role in this movie. He plays a petulant and under-paid wide receiver who struggles to get the attention and money he feels he deserves. Rod Tidwell is probably the best athlete on this list but still doesn’t qualify as a “marquee” wide receiver.

5. Mr. Baseball (1992): Jack Elliot played by Tom Selleck. With what is arguably the best mustache in show business, Tom Selleck hits one out of the park as the lead role in this classic baseball flick. Old, worn-out, unproductive and over-paid, Jack Elliot is the total package. The guy is an absolute dude. He dips, knocks dingers and screws every piece of ass from New York to Tokyo. Selleck plays aging former World Series MVP Jack Elliot who is traded to a Japanese team because he just can’t cut it in the bigs anymore. This is a quintessential guy film because Tom Selleck is the epitome of what it means to be a man.

6. White Men Can’t Jump (1992): Billy Hoyle played by Woody Harrelson. My mother wouldn’t let me watch this movie when it came out back in the early 90’s. Probably because she didn’t want me to be encouraged to become Billy Hoyle and hustle people playing street ball in LA. Plus, Woody Harrelson is a total dude.

7. Mystery Alaska (1999): John Biebe played by Russell Crowe. It’s weird how Russell Crowe went from Mystery Alaska to Gladiator in less than a year. I contend that he is more of a bad ass in this movie than in any other role he has played during his acting career.

8. The Mighty Ducks (1992): Gordon Bombay played by Emilio Estevez. Every kid loves the Mighty Ducks movies, and growing up I was no exception. I’ve decided to include Gordon Bombay on this list since he is the touchstone for the Mighty Ducks series. Estevez made an entire career by playing this washed-up hockey star. It’s too bad that he still isn’t as cool as his brother or father.

9. Baseketball (1998): Squeak Scolari played by Dian Bachar. Ok, we all know that Basketball is a fictitious sport, but still one of the best comedies of the 90’s. It’s a tremendous parody of professional sports and Squeak Scolari is by far the most mediocre player on the Beers roster.

10. Space Jam (1996): Bill Murray as himself. Bill Murray is a god. Nothing more to add.

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