Matt Stairs is a man of many uniforms.

Months ago, when this site was still active, a reader suggested a post on Matt Stairs.  Since the writers of the blog took an unannounced 10 month break, it is doubtful that reader is still active here on the site, but if you are, this one is for you.

Everything I have ever read or heard about Matt Stairs is awesome.  I know that’s a big statement, but I mean every word.  Stairs has taken about the least likely path to big league success and is practically the definition of a journeyman.  Odds are, if you are a baseball fan, Matt Stairs has probably played for your team or at least hurt the team you root for.  When you play for twelve Major League teams over the span of 19 seasons, that’s bound to happen.

Matthew Wade Stairs was born in New Brunswick, Canada in 1968.  There are currently only five active Major League players who were born in the 1960s:

1. Tim Wakefield  1966
2. Omar Vizquel  1967
3. Matt Stairs  1968
4. Arthur Rhodes  1969 (October)
5. Mariano Rivera  1969 (November)

So, as it stands, our friend is the third oldest player in all of baseball and is the oldest player in the National League.

Stairs crew up playing baseball and hockey (obviously) as a kid in Canada.  He played the equivalent of Independent League ball in Canada when he was in his teens and signed as a free agent with the Montreal Expos (obviously) in 1989.  Stairs got only 38 at-bats over two seasons in Montreal before he left and played in Japan for a year.  He then signed as a free agent with the Red Sox.  It was with the Red Sox that he hit his first home run in 1995, a solo shot off of Tom “Flash” Gordon.  Stairs didn’t stick in Boston though either and became a free agent after the ’95 season.

Prior to the 1997 season, Stairs signed a deal to join the Oakland A’s.  In 1997, Stairs saw his first real playing time, hitting 10 homers in only 137 at-bats and posting an OPS+ of 127.  Stairs’ strong play in 1997 earned him 352 at-bats in 1998.  Matt did not disappoint as he slugged 27 homers and a career-high OPS+ of 153.  Stairs was a full-time player the next three seasons in Oakland as he crushed 85 HR, including a career-high 38 in 1999.  While Stairs never made an All-Star team, he did finish 17th in MVP voting for his 1999 campaign.

Following his five season run in Oakland, Stairs never spent more than 2.5 years in any one city, which he did in Kansas City.  Despite moving all over the country, Stairs continued to mash hitting over 100 HR and having an OPS+ of 117 from 2001-2006.

Stairs’ biggest moment on the national stage came in 2008 when he was with the Phillies.  The Phillies were up against the Dodgers in the NLCS.  Philadelphia held a 2-1 series lead over Los Angeles.  However, the Dodgers were leading in game four and were threatening to tie the series.  With the score tied at 5 in the 8th inning, Stairs came in as a pinch-hitter to face Jonathan Broxton.  Stairs sent Broxton’s 3-1 pitch into the seats to help give the Phillies a commanding 3-1 series lead.  Interestingly, the Dodgers and Phillies would meet again in the 2009 postseason.  Stairs again faced Broxton, and the big reliever walked Stairs on four straight pitches.

Stairs is currently a pinch-hitter for the Washington Nationals and is 0-11 in this young season.  I really hope this isn’t the end of the line for Stairs.  The 5’9”, 200lb slugger has been a fixture in big leagues for the last twenty seasons and it just doesn’t seem like it’s time to go just yet.

As I wrap up this post, enjoy some of these terrific figures:

• 265 career HR (2nd most by a Canadian)
• 23 pinch hit HR (MLB record)
• OPS+ of 118 (4th highest by a Canadian)

Now a list of some of the pitchers Stairs has homered off of with the career homer leading the way:

1.  Tom Gordon

20. Hideo Nomo

100. Sidney Ponson

108. Dwight Gooden

155. Roy Oswalt

180. Roy Halladay

183. Johan Santana

200. Carl Pavano

265. Matt Cain

His 265 home runs came against 29 different teams.  Awesome.

Finally, a few smart baseball minds have suggested that if Stairs had been a regular his entire career he would have been a star and MAYBE a Hall of Fame type player.  Check it out.

Once a quarterback GOD, Mark Brunell holds onto footballs for kickers so that the ball won't fall over.

Mark Brunell was a special kind of player.  I know it’s a little bit early to say “was” since the dude is still playing, but he is certainly past his prime.  When Brunell was at the top of his game he sported a cannon for an arm and a sprinters gift of speed and agility.

Brunell played his college ball at the University of Washington.  While a pretty good college QB, he was not a constant at QB for the Huskies.  He split time with a couple of other guys, but was part of some great teams that featured the legendary Lincoln Kennedy.  Brunell left UW and was part of one of my favorite NFL Drafts ever in 1993.

The 1993 Draft featured top picks Drew Bledsoe and Rick Mirer.  Brunell didn’t get selected until the 5th round when he was selected by the Green Bay Packers.  Here are the QBs taken in the ’93 Draft:

1. Drew Bledsoe

2. Rick Mirer

58. Billy Joe Hobert (Hobert often started ahead of Brunell at UW)

118. Brunell

192: Gino Torretta

216: Alex Van Pelt

219: Elvis Grbac

222: Trent Green

Not a bad draft, actually.  Anyway, back to Brunell.  Mark went to Green Bay in the fall of 1993 and spent two years sitting on his ass behind Brett Favre (seriously, how many lives can that guy ruin?).  Despite throwing only 27 passes in his two years with the Packers, Brunell was in demand around the league.  He was traded prior to the 1995 season to the Jacksonville Jaguars for 3rd and 5th round picks.  Brunell was the club’s starting QB from 1995 to 2003 and set almost every team record you can think of.

Brunell was a three-time Pro Bowler with the Jags and was actually named the MVP of the 1997 Pro Bowl.  The Jags were competitive during most of his time as QB, highlighted by a 14-2 season in 1999 in which the club lost in the AFC title game to Steve McNair and the Tennessee Titans, 33-14 on their home field.  Ouch!

Mark eventually lost his job to the slowest QB ever, Byron Leftwich.  He was traded to the Washington Redskins and started a few games for them early in the 2000′s.  He has spent the last four or five seasons as a back up QB for Drew Brees in New Orleans and sex-maniac, Mark Sanchez with the Jets.

A few quick career highlights:

• 14-2 season in 1999
• Led the conference in yards in 1996, he could really air it out.
• He loved getting sacked.  He led the league in sacks a few times.  He just craved that contact.
• Owns the NFL record for most consecutive complete passes (22) in a single game.

In addition to his action on the field, he’s got a few things going off of the grid iron as well.  According to an anonymous tipster, Mark’s daughter is pretty hot.  She was named Miss America’s Outstanding Teen back in 2008.  He and his wife also have three sons who we can probably assume, are not as hot as their sister.

Mark declared bankruptcy last season which is surprising since he’s earned over $50M playing football.  He lists that he does have over $5M in assets, but he also owes over $25M in liabilities.  This would explain while he is still attempting to play in the NFL even though he turns 41 later this year.

Modesty?

This post is about Deion Sanders the baseball player.  He is not to be confused with his alter-ego football player.  Deion the football player was electric.  He went from sideline to sideline with relative ease, picking off passes and running back kicks.  However, Neon Deion received a lot of pub for playing two pro sports.  And while that is totally impressive, he was nothing more than a mediocre ball player.

Sanders was drafted by the New York Yankees in the 30th round of the 1988 draft.  He played in the minors for the Yankees while playing pro football with the Atlanta Falcons and really living up to his “Prime Time” nickname.  Honestly, I think Deion was probably rushed to the big leagues in 1989 when he made his debut with the Yankees.  This is back when the Yankees were a total train wreck, and the electric Sanders could create a little buzz around the team.

In his two years in pinstripes, Sanders hit a paltry .178 with 5 homers and 9 steals in 180 at-bats.  Following the 1990 season, the Yankees released Deion, making him a free agent.  The Yanks were concerned that by splitting his time on baseball and football, he was not progressing as a player.  Fair enough.  The Atlanta Braves took a chance on him and signed him prior to the 1991 campaign.

Prime Time took his 4.1 40-yard-dash time to the Braves and had his best years as a ball player.  In 1991 he sucked, posting an OPS+ of only 68.  However, in 1992 he enjoyed his best season as a pro.  He appeared in only 97 games for the NL champion Braves, but still found time to lead the National League in triples with 14 (Huge).  Sanders also swiped 26 bases and hit over .300 for the only time in his career.

In the 1992 NLCS the Braves were in the midst of a big series (obviously) and Deion decided to play football the same week.  Nice.  For this, he was criticized by professional idiot, Tim McCarver.  Tim thought it was a strange decision (I happen to agree) for Deion to leave his baseball team during the playoffs to play in the NFL.  Deion took exception to this and reacted in the following manner:

Classy.  Deion never recaptured the magic on the diamond that he had in 1992.  Maybe karma caught up with him.  He bounced around a bit, playing with the Reds and the Giants before finally bowing out for good after the 2001 season (his first appearance since 1997).

Here are the career totals:

• .263 batting average
• .319 OBP
• 80 OPS+
• 39 HR
• 186 SB

For the most part though, Deion is remembered for his attitude.  An attitude that for some reason flew in the NFL but not in MLB.  He was a pretty effective 4th outfielder during his prime, but that was about it.  His speed could change a game, even in baseball.

This is most people’s problem with Deion.  He really seemed to be in business for himself at all times.  He was a tremendous athlete, a mediocre baseball player, and Hall of Fame football player, and a petulant child.

Two legends of Connecticut basketball: Manute Bol and Charles Smith

I remember when Charles Smith broke into the NBA.  His rookie season (1988-89) is probably when I first starting really following the NBA.  Smith had the poor luck of starting his career in Los Angeles with the Clippers.  Here in 2010 the Clippers are a total joke.  Things were no different in the late 1980s.  The franchise had already made its mark as an annual loser.

Smith was the third overall pick in the 1988 NBA Draft out of the University of Pittsburgh.  He was drafted behind Danny Manning and Rik Smits (two guys who deserve posts on this site).  Charles was actually drafted by the 76ers  but was swapped on draft night for Hersey Hawkins.  The Clippers thought they had their frontcourt of the future in Manning and Smith.

Charles averaged 16 points and 6 boards a game as a rookie and was named to the All-Rookie first team.  It would be his only career award in the NBA.  Smith would go on to put up at least 20 points a game in the next two seasons.  However, instead of being seen as a young, rising star, Smith was seen simply as a good player on a bad team.

After one more season with the Clips, the organization did him a huge favor:  They traded him to the Knicks in a deal for Mark Jackson.  Smith stepped in at forward for the Knicks in the mid-1990s and played on some very good teams.  Smith saw his playing time and scoring decrease, but at least he played on some playoff teams.

In the 1993 playoffs, the Knicks were up against Jordan’s Bulls.  New York took a 2-0 lead in the series only to see the Bulls battle back to tie the series at two wins apiece.  The pivotal game five took place at Madison Square Garden.  With 25 seconds remaining the Knicks trailed by one point and Charles Smith had the defining moment of his career:

Truly a tough break.  Smith saw his playing time decrease even further and was traded to the Spurs for a pile of crap in February of 1996.  Smith then played a couple of years in San Antonio before retiring at the age of 31.  He retired with a career scoring average of 14.4 points per game.  Nice.

Since retiring, Smith has been active on the business side of the NBA and created a youth center for teens in his hometown of Bridgeport, CT.

Read as Charles remembers Manute Bol.

The Kamikaze Kid

Tim Dwight was the top recruit out of his High School in Iowa City, Iowa. He got several scholarships from multiple Big 10 schools but elected to attend the U of I. As a Hawkeye, he set school records for career receiving yards and touchdowns. He even finished 7th in the Heisman voting his senior year.

Many people were skeptical of Dwight succeeding in the NFL because of his size, but his supernatural speed attracted the curiosity of the Atlanta Falcons who drafted Tim Dwight in the fourth round of the 1998 NFL draft. In the first game of his NFL career and on his first career reception, he scored on a 44-yard touchdown pass from the transcendent Chris Chandler. In his first season, Dwight accompanied the Falcons to a Superbowl berth against the Denver Broncos. It was in Superbowl XXXIII that Tim Dwight really made a big-time name for himself. After trailing the Broncos 31-6 in the fourth quarter, the “kamikaze kid” delivered one of the most inspiring plays in Superbowl history, taking a kickoff 94-yards to the house. His 210 kick return yards for that game rank second all-time in Superbowl history.

Dwight followed his respectable rookie campaign with an historically underrated and overlooked sophomore season. Despite catching only 32 balls for 669 yards (seven of which were touchdowns), he led the league in yards per reception (20.9) These statistics are actually somewhat staggering if you put them into perspective. With 32 grabs going for 7 scores, Dwight scored a touchdown nearly 22% of time he caught a pass. Tack on another punt returned for a touchdown out of 20 attempts and one rushing touchdown on 5 carries, Tim Dwight was arguably the most valuable player in the league based on the number of times he actually got the ball. BIG. To recap, Tim Dwight had the football in his hands a grand total of 57 times and scored a touchdown on 9 of those plays, that’s roughly a touchdown every 6 touches. HUGE.

In 2001, Tim Dwight was traded to the San Diego Chargers in a deal that enabled Atlanta to select Michael Vick with the Chargers’ number one overall pick in the 2001 NFL draft. With the Chargers, Tim had a limited role in the return game but upped his impact as a wide-out. In 2002, Dwight caught a career high 50 passes for 620 yards but only 2 scores. As a receiver, he was never afraid to go over the middle, but unfortunately, this “fearlessness” that proved to be so crucial to his early success in the NFL became his Achilles heel. Injuries from on-the-field heroics kept Tim sidelined for most of his career in San Diego and his numbers decreased considerably. No longer able to maintain a 4/40 speed, the Chargers released Dwight in 2004.

Luckily, though, the Patriots signed Dwight to a one-year contract in 2005. In his only season with New England, he caught only 19 passes for 332 yards and 3 touchdowns (ouch). From 2006-2007 he bounced around the New York Jets and Oakland Raiders organizations before becoming an unsigned free-agent in 2008. To this day Tim Dwight remains a free-agent and it baffles me as to why any team would hesitate to sign him.

Everyone remembers Tim Dwight as being this preternaturally fast white dude who had a few decent years in the NFL. I personally love the guy because he was fun to watch and played the game with reckless abandon. He was a natural play-maker, a guy who could really make things happen when he got the ball in his hands. At the age of 35 I’m not sure Tim Dwight still has “White Lightning” speed, but I am confident that, if given the chance, he’d prove to everyone that he’s still a big dog with a lot of bite left in him.

PURE JOY.

Sid Bream is partially responsible for my obsession with Major League Baseball.  If you are a BIG baseball fan, you can probably guess the moment where I became hooked.  However, out of fairness to Bream and is mediocre legacy, I think I owe it to him to recap his entire career.

Bream was drafted by the Los Angeles Dodgers in the 2nd round of the 1981 draft.  Bream did not come to the big leagues straight from high school having played his college ball at Liberty University.  If you are not aware, Liberty University is for the batshit crazy and was founded by the late Jerry Falwell.  That is the same Jerry Falwell responsible for these very memorable quotes:

• “AIDS is not just God’s punishment for homosexuals; it is God’s punishment for the society that tolerates homosexuals”
• “The ACLU is to Christians what the American Nazi party is to Jews”

You know what?  This isn’t a Falwell post, it’s a Sid Bream post and I won’t hold his choice of college against him.  Back to Bream…

Bream ripped through the minors very quickly and debuted for the Dodgers in 1983.  He played first base almost exclusively and that was his role as a pinch-hitter for the Dodgers.  In September of 1985 he was shipped to the Pirates in a the deal that sent the LEGENDARY Bill Madlock to the Dodgers.

Sid went on to claim the 1st base job in Pittsburgh for the next five seasons.  He had some decent years there, highlighted by the 1990 season.  That year, Sid had an OPS+ of 124 while slugging 15 homers and driving in nearly 70 runs.  That Pirates club lost to the Reds in the NLCS, but it was not Sid’s fault as he hit .500 with a homer in the series.

That offseason, the Pirates decided to give the first base job to a young Orlando Merced and let Bream sign with the Atlanta Braves.  The Pirates had no idea Bream would come back to break their hearts.  The Braves and Pirates both won their divisions and played one of the more memorable NLCS in recent memory.  The series reached a seventh game which concluded with one of the greatest moments in playoff history.  The radio broadcast of what happened next is below:

Bream, one of the slowest players in the league, scored the series clinching run as he beat the throw home from a young, Barry Bonds.  Bream had no business going 2nd to home on that play, but he made it anyway.  What a big dog.

Anyway, Bream’s career really peaked at that moment and he is forever a piece of baseball history because of that play.  Sid played two more years and a year in Houston before falling out of the big leagues for good at the age of 33 in 1994.

Bream now works as a motivational speaker (duh!) and a minor league hitting instructor.  He left baseball with a .264 batting average and 90 home runs.  Sid Bream, I salute you.

Alex Kowalsky: Patriotic American, Medicore Blogger

Alex Kowalsky, in many ways, is the epitome of what it means to be mediocre.  Over his the span of his life, Alex has displayed an unbelievable and unparalleled pattern of excellence in mediocrity.  He has seen his fair share of peaks and valleys, but he never has strayed too far from that line right in the middle.

Born to poor, Polish immigrants in Bisbee, Arizona in 1984, Alex was a man of humble beginnings.  He struggled with the language barrier in rural Arizona and spent most of his formative years watching cartoons and eating a steady diet of fish sticks.  As he grew (both in size and mediocrity), Alex became a BIG fish in the small bowl that was Bisbee.

When Alex was eight, his family packed up their Aerostar van and moved cross-country to Connecticut.  It was in Connecticut that Alex began to mature as a young boy and as a writer.  It was in 1993 that Alex wrote his first short story.  It was a story entitled, “Bruno Goes to Market” and it was a sad little story about a boy named Bruno who got lost in the supermarket.  Now, you may guess that while at the market a bunch of interesting stuff would happen.  But, no.  It was literally a story about this boy Bruno going to the market, buying some groceries, paying, and then going home.  That’s it.  It remains, to this day, one of the most boring stories ever written.

Alex was late bloomer physically.  By the time he was 15 years old, Kowalsky stop at only 4’5” but was a pudgy 187 pounds.  This obviously made him the target of his classmates insults.  It was at this time that Alex began to further withdraw from reality.  He spent most of his free time alone in his family’s basement.  There he spent hours talking with his imaginary friends, reading, writing, and playing Mario Kart.

Alex would often challenge his siblings and parents to Mario Kart races.  Later in his life, he would challenge students that he worked with to matches.  Over his 12 year career of Mario Kart, Kowalsky has a career record of 877-878.  Nearly perfectly mediocre.  He usually beats who he should beat and seldom pulls of an upset.  He is to Mario Kart as Miguel Batista is to Major League Baseball.

In 2004, Alex finally hit a growth spurt and shot up to six-feet in height.  That 190-some pounds was able to spread out and Alex hit the gym.  Hard.  He replaced his video games and television with a Chuck Norris Total Gym and turned his disgusting body into that of a middle linebacker.

Late in 2009, Kowalsky became the co-founder of this website.  He has been all over the map with his productions.  He once carried the site for a month straight and turned out some absolutely dazzling posts.  He covered the career of Vinny Testaverde, Dan Cortese, and Anthony Mason.  He revolutionized the site by bring some sex-appeal to the site with provocative posts about Anna Kournikova and Danica Patrick.  However, he also hit some lulls with lazy posts consisting of polls and nothing else.

The sad ending to the mediocre tale is that Al appears to be finished.  He completed that Testaverde post back on June 16th and has since produced nothing.  Nothing.  His career arc resembles that of Pete Incaviglia or Terrell Davis.  Say it ain’t so, Alex.  Say it ain’t so.

Gum time? More like FAILURE time. Am I right?

Nate Robertson is many things.  He is left-handed.  He, along with millions of other Americans, wears glasses.  He is white.  He often sports irregular facial hair.  He has been described as a “nice guy” by some.  He was once (still is?) a home-owner in the fine city of Detroit.  He is a pitcher for the Florida Marlins.  Above all else, Nate Robertson is a failure as a baseball player.  Nate is most fondly remembered in Detroit for chewing TONS of big league chew to inspire Tiger rallies.  That’s his legacy in Detroit.

Robertson came up in the Marlins organization.  The Marlins were proud to make the bespectacled lefty a 5th round back in 1999.  The Marlins thought he was worth the pick after Robertson needed Tommy John surgery as a sophomore.  You have admire the Marlins for using a relatively high pick on a guy with a serious injury history.

Nate blew through the low minors with some really strong seasons.  In January of 2003, Robertson was shipped to the Detroit Tigers after making handful of relief appearances in the bigs with the Marlins.  Robertson made 8 starts on the historically bad 2003 Tigers, going 1-2 with an ERA of 5.44, two trends that would continue throughout his sorry career.

In 2004, Robertson was arguable the staff ace in Detroit (which isn’t saying a lot).  He managed to go 12-10 on a team that finished 18 games under .500.  Nate posted an ERA just a tick below 5.00 and finished 8th in the Rookie of the Year voting, tied with legends John Buck and Dave Bush.  Big.

In 2005, Robertson took a step back along with the rest of the Tigers.  Big Nate lost 16 games and won only 7, further establishing his reputation as a loser.  He coughed up 28 home runs in 196 innings of work while striking out 122 hitters.  I recall reading something in a newspaper around this time where Nate described himself as a “power-pitcher”.  I recall, then, rolling on the floor in laughter.  What a joke.

2006 was a banner year for the Tigers organization.  The won over 90 games for the first time in nearly 20 years and the team was led by clutch hitting and terrific pitching.  Several player had career years and all but one of their starting pitchers posted a winning record.  That one pitcher?  You guessed it, Nate Robertson.  On a Tigers team that finished 28 games over .500 and outscored their opponents by 150 runs, Nate Robertson lost 13 games.  Ouch!  While Robertson had an ERA below 4.00 for the first time that season, his legend as a loser continued to grow.  He followed up his regular season by getting the shit kicked out of him by the New York Yankees in the ALDS.

After that 2006 season, the wheels really fell off the bus for Robertson.  Check out his collapse in the sewer of Major League Baseball:

ERA

• 2007: 4.76
• 2008: 6.35
• 2009: 5.44

ERA+

• 2007: 96
• 2008: 71
• 2009:  85

WHIP:

• 2007: 1.475
• 2008: 1.660
• 2008: 1.752

Salary:

• 2007: $3.2 M
• 2008: $4.2 M
• 2009: $7 M
• 2010: $10 M

One could make the argument that by the time the 2009 season came to a close, that Nate Robertson was the most overpaid player in all of baseball.  He was so bad at that point that the Tigers paid almost of his salary to have to go and play for someone else!  Robertson was shipped back to the Marlins before the 2010 season for a bag of balls and a bucket of human shit.  Since then, he’s continued his sorry act with the Marlins.

I know I cam across kind of tough on Nate, but I watched the guy toil in Detroit for far too long.  He was really never that great and was mediocre in 2006.  That’s it.  While Nate is probably a perfectly nice dude and might even be cool to hang out with, he sure does suck as a baseball player.

My favorite thing about Nate Robertson?  His name inspired one of the great blog names of all time.

Clayton goes the other way for a base-hit.

Royce Clayton is my favorite kind of mediocre athlete.  He was never great (he may have been good a couple of times) but he managed to hang around in the Major Leagues for 17 seasons.  That’s saying something.

Over his 17 year career, Clayton played for 11 different teams.  While both of those pieces of information are pretty impressive, even more impressive is where Clayton played on the diamond.  Usually when a guy sticks around for so long, he moves around the diamond a bit to prolong his career.  Not Royce Clayton.  In those 17 seasons, Clayton was on the field for over 17,000 innings.  Damn!  In all of that time, Clayton spent all but 7.1 innings at shortstop.  He was able to play solid enough defense at a premier position for 17 seasons.  Nice.

Clayton made his big league debut with the San Francisco Giants way back in 1991.  He was the Giants full-time shortstop from 1992-1995.  During that time he hit a paltry .249 with an OPS+ of only 75.  In the winter of 1995, he was the main piece in a trade that sent him to the St. Louis Cardinals.

In 1997, Clayton made his only All-Star Game.  He hit .266 that season with 9 homers and 30 steals.  The following season he was part of a trade deadline deal that sent him packing and he joined the Texas Rangers.  Clayton enjoyed some decent power numbers in Texas (who doesn’t?) as he slugged 14 homers in back-to-back seasons.

Like most guys that stick around for a long time (Vinny Testaverde), Clayton put up some decent career totals in a  few categories.  Check this:

• 1,904 hits, 39th in baseball from 1991-2007
• 231 steals, 38th in baseball

In fact, over that time period, only 19 players in all of baseball had at least 1,900 hits and 200 steals.  The list is filled with names like Barry Bonds, Kenny Lofton and Craig Biggio.  Obviously, I’m not saying that Royce Clayton was as good as Barry Bonds, I’m just showing that when you stick around long enough, you’re bound to put up some good-looking numbers.

Royce got exactly 6 at-bats for the Red Sox in 2007, but that was enough for him to earn his only World Series ring.  Atta boy, Royce.  Also, I thought this was funny.  It’s from the first sentence of his website:

“Royce Clayton is one of the premier baseball players of our time and a role model for athletes around the world.”

Best of friends.

A week or so ago, I wrote about the RBs of the Dan Marino era and was just a total blast.  It was a 17 year journey through a sea of mediocre running backs.  While talking to Alex the other night, we came up with the idea for this post.  The stiff’s that patrolled the paint during Michael Jordan’s reign in the Windy City.  The results are just as depressing and even funnier than the jerks Marino had to play with.  Enjoy.

• Dave Corzine (1984-1989):  The mustachioed Corzine was the Bulls starting center for Jordan’s rookie season in 1984-1985.  He averaged 8 points and 5 boards a game in about 25 minutes a game.  He hung on as a reserve for the next few seasons while getting pretty significant minutes.  His finest seasons came earlier in his career when he average double-digit points with the Nets.
• Jawann Oldham (1984-1986):  Oldham got most of his playing time for the Bulls in the 1985-86 season, when Jordan played in only 18 games due to an injury.  The seven-footer averaged 7 points, 6 boards and nearly 3 blocks a game in fairly limited action.  Those numbers (especially the blocks) are impressive given his lack of playing time.  Oldham now has his own basketball camp and website.  On the site, he refers to himself as an “NBA Superstar.”
• Brad Sellers (1986-1989):  Sellers was a lottery pick in 1986.  He is considered a bust.  However, he was one of the few players from that draft not to completely ruin their lives with cocaine, so at least he has that going for him.  Sellers was seven-feet tall and could shoot the rock, but he was a total wimp and not a real center.  He never averaged double digits for the Bulls and was shipped out-of-town for a draft pick.  That draft pick would become BJ Armstrong, one of the most mediocre All-Star’s of all-time.

Bill Cartwright always looked pissed. Probably because he was a dick.

• Bill Cartwright (1988-1994):  Bill Cartwright was a dick.  He frequently picked up technical fouls for being a dick.  He was a beast in college at San Francisco, where he followed in the footsteps of Bill Russell.  He was an NBA lottery pick who put together a pretty decent career and was probably the best Jordan-era center.  He started most of the time Chicago but rarely got over 30 minutes a game.  He averaged double digits during his first two seasons before deferring even more to Jordan.
• Jack Haley (1988-1990, 1995-1996): Jack Haley sucked.  Perfectly nice dude from what I can tell, but a lousy basketball player.  Haley averaged just a tick over two points a game while with the Bulls and played in only one game during the 1995-96 season.  Haley is best known for being in Aerosmith’s “Love in an Elevator” music video and for being Dennis Rodman’s best friend.
• Will Perdue (1988-1995, 1999-2000): Believe it or not, Will Perdue was a Lottery pick way back when.  The Bulls took the seven-footer 11th overall back in 1988.  He never averaged more than 8 points a game.  Even though he is a career 57% free throw shooter and was never a regular starter, Perdue is the proud owner of four NBA Championship rings (3 with the Bulls, one with the Spurs).  He is arguably the whitest player to ever appear in the NBA (post 1965).
• Stacey King (1989-1994):  King is the highest lottery-pick  bust of the Jordan era centers.  King was drafted 6th overall in the 1989 draft out of Oklahoma where she absolutely dominated.  In her four seasons with the Bulls she averaged about 7 points and 3 rebounds a game before the Bulls traded her for the immortal Luc Longley (more on him in a second).  King never get it together in the NBA but has a pretty sweet TV gig for Bull television.  Stacey is noted as being the only female player in NBA history.

I would have killed to be at this party.

• Bill Wennington (1993-1999):  Wennington’s main claim to fame is being one of the finer, bearded-Canadian basketball players of the 1990s.  Wennington looked like a towering Red Wood out on the court, checking in at seven feet tall and 250 pounds.  Sadly, he played much smaller, getting about 5 points and 2 rebounds a game during his time with the Bulls.  Wennington was a decent free throw shooter for a center, making over 80% of his attempts.    He is a proud member of the Canadian Basketball Hall of Fame.

Luc Longley: Professional Big Dog.

• Luc Longley (1994-1998):  Luc Longley has been described as a deft passer.  He has also been described as slow, offensively handicapped, and Australian.  It’s all true.  Longley came over in that BIG Stacey King trade and was the Bulls starting center for three seasons.  Longley averaged right around 10/5 while with the Bulls.  He was traded to the Suns after winning three rings with the Bulls.  He currently resides in his homeland and his married to a celebrity chef.  What a dude.

Corie Blount has a problem.

• Corie Blount (1993-1995):  Blount was a first round pick of the Bulls in 1993 after a mediocre run at Cincinnati.  He averaged only 3 points and 3 rebounds a game while in Chicago with Jordan (he made 2 more appearances with the Bulls later in his career).  There are some other guys that logged more minutes than Blount, but he has a story.  Since retiring, Blount has been arrested multiple times for drug offenses.  He was busted with over 11 pounds of marijuana.  He later pled guilty and spent a year in prison for having close to 30 pounds on him at his house.  You can watch him get sentenced here if you’re into that sort of thing.

No one knows what happened to Bison Dele.

• Bison Dele (1996-1997):  Dele (formerly Brian Williams) played in only 7 regular season games in 1996-97, but made significant contributions in the postseason.  Williams struggled through some personal issues while in college and early in NBA career.  After his nice run with the Bulls, in which he earned a ring, Dele got a big free agent deal from the Detroit Pistons.  After a couple of nice seasons with the Pistons, Dele tired of the organization and of basketball and called it quits abruptly at the age of 30.  He walked about from over $30 million.  Weird dude.  The story of what happened next is sad and even weirder.  Reportedly, Dele went sailing on his boat (the Hakuna Matata) with his girlfriend, a skipper and his brother.  Dele was last seen on July 8th 2002.  Almost two weeks later, the boat docked with only Dele’s brother on board.  The conclusion made was that Dele’s brother killed everyone on board in order to get the boat, some gold, and some cash.  His brother insisted he was innocent, but he feared prison.  In September he overdosed on insulin and died.  He was the only major witness in the incident, so it seems unlikely that we will ever find out what happened to Bison Dele.