May 20 Birthdays

Happy Birthday, Buster!!

It’s a been a while since we’ve done this…here are your mediocre athlete’s born on May 20th:

• Austin Kearns (MLB):  A .258 career hitter with just over 100 career home runs.
• Todd Stottlemyre (MLB):  Stuck around for 14 big league seasons and finished with an ERA+ of  100.  He’s 45 today.
• Ruben Boumtje-Boumtje (NBA):  One of the greater names in NBA history, Ruben is a seven-footer from Cameroon with 43 points in 44 career games.  Brutal.
• Hal Newhouser (MLB):  Newhouser was not mediocre, winning back-to-back MVPs with the Detroit Tigers in the 1940s.  Dude’s a Hall of Famer and an absolute stud.
• Sadaharu Oh (Japanese Baseball):  Not only is the guy mentioned in a Beastie Boys lyric, he has 868 career home runs and once had 55 in a single season, both records in Japan.  He is turning 70.
• Joe Cocker (musician):  Cocker turns 66 today.  He’s mediocre as a music-man.
• Cher (musiciain):  Ughhhh.
• Bronson Pinchot (actor):  He played Balki Bartokmous on the 1980s sitcom, Perfect Strangers.  Not sure what he’s up to today.
• Bustah Rhymes (rapper):  Mr. Buster Rhymes is 38 years young.

Frank Tanana

Killer 'stache

I’m going to be up-front here from the start:  I’m a BIG fan of Frank Tanana.  He is responsible for one of my favorite athlete quotes of all-time.  Late in his career he said something like “I’m a guy who threw 90s in the 1970s and 70s in the 1990s.”  The guy was decent and he had a sense of humor to go with it.

Tanana was a first round pick way back in 1971 by the Angels and made his big league debut at the tender age of 19 in 1973.  Early in his career Tanana was a flame-throwing lefty.  He teamed with Noland Ryan to give the Angels two of the bigger power arms in all of baseball.  It was not uncommon for these two to strike out a combined 600 batters in a single season.  HUGE.

Frank enjoyed his finest years in California with the Angels, making three All-Star games in a row and getting Cy Young votes three times.  Now, you may look at that and think, “hey, how in the world can a three time All Star be considered mediocre.”  Consider this:  Frank Tanana made his last All-Star game appearance when he was 24 years old and pitched in the Major Leagues until he was 39.  That’s 15 years of All-Star free baseball.  Now that’s mediocre.

After leaving the Angels, Tanana played in Boston (one season), Texas (3.5 seasons), Detroit (7.5 seasons), and then split a season with the Mets and Yankees before finally hanging it up.

Prior to turning 25 years old, Tanana led the AL in strike outs one season and in WHIP during another.  He even led the AL in ERA+ once for good measure.  The guy was a legitimate star for the first five seasons of his career.  However, during that time period, the young Tanana threw a dangerous amount of innings and pitches.  This dude was throwing  close to 300 innings a season at the age of 21 and his arm just could not take it.

Most pitchers would choose to give up at this point, but not Frank.  He got his stuff together, changed the way he pitched and hung on another 15 seasons on grit and determination.  When Tanana retired in 1993 he had a record of 240-236 with an ERA+ of 106, darn near perfectly mediocre.  However, there a few things that stand out:

• Over 2,700 strike outs
• More wins than Andy Pettitte, Whitey Ford and Catfish Hunter
• More strike outs than Warren Spahn and Bob Feller.
• In fact, he ranks 21st in big league history in Ks.  Everyone ahead of him is in the Hall of Fame or will be except for Mickey Lolich and maybe Curt Schilling.

Tanana gave up home runs to both Hank Aaron and Barry Bonds and 11 alone to Rickey Henderson.  Good stuff.

Jim Abbott

When I think about Jim Abbott I have three factoids about the man pop into my head.  In no particular order:

1. He had only one hand.
2. He threw a no-hitter as a member of the New York Yankees.
3. In his last full season he lost 18 games.

That’s a lot to chew on.  I know.  The guy was prolific.

Like me, Abbott is from the beautiful state of Michigan.  Unlike me, Jim Abbott is completely mediocre.  A student of mine actually suggested this post and pointed out to me that Abbott’s career ERA+ is 100.  In other words, he is completely mediocre and entirely average.

Abbott was a terrific collegiate pitcher at the University of Michigan.  He was named the top amateur athlete in the country in 1987 and is the proud owner of a gold medal.  Being that he had one hand and all, Abbott came into the big leagues with quite a bit of fanfare and was the #8 overall pick in the 1988 draft.  He was picked ahead of fellow first rounders like Robin Ventura and Tino Martinez.

Jim made his debut with the Angels in 1989 at the tender age of 21 and held his own.  In his rookie season he won 12 games and finished 5th in the Rookie of the Year vote (the immortal Gregg Olson won the award).  He bounced back to earth a bit in 1990, losing 14 games and leading the league in hits allowed (ouch!).

However, Jim showed his trademark resiliency in 1991, winning a career-high18 games with an ERA of 2.89.  That season Abbott finished third in Cy Young voting (a juiced up Roger Clemens won the award) and won the hearts of fans all over the nation.

The next season was a weird one.  Abbott improved on his already sparkling ERA with a mark of 2.77, fifth in the American League.  However, he was the victim of some tough luck and played for a really shitty team and lost 15 games.  Jim was a legitimate tough-luck loser.  That winter the Angels shipped the lefty to the New York Yankees for Russ Spring and JT Snow, it was a pretty big deal at the time.

It was in his first season with the Yankees, 1993, that Abbott hurled a no-hitter against the Cleveland Indians.  His time in New York was relatively brief and he spent the next few years bouncing around the league, playing for the Yankees, White Sox, Angels (again), and Brewers.  Abbott retired following the 1999 season.

Abbott had only 21 at-bats in his career (all with the NL Brewers).  In those 21 at-bats, he struck out 10 times and recorded two base hits.  It’s obviously difficult to bat with only one hand on the bat.  Stunningly, both of his hits came off of certified staff ace, Jon Lieber.

Abbott currently works as a motivational speaker.

Top 10 Worst MLB All Stars of the 1980s

Listed below are the 10 worst All Stars of the 1980s.  To qualify for the list the player had to:

• Make an All Star game in the 1980s
• Make no more than one career All-Star appearance
• Be painfully mediocre

10. Matt Nokes (1987):  Nokes had exactly one good year his entire career and it was his rookie season, 1987.  Nokes helped lead the Detroit Tigers back to the playoffs as he crushed 32 homers and finished 3rd in the Rookie of the Year voting.  He had some decent power numbers later in his career but at the cost of a low batting average and miserable on-base percentage numbers.

9.Ron Davis (1981): Davis made the 1981 All Star game as a member of the New York Yankees.  He was a reliever, and saved six whole games that season.  He retired with a career ERA+ of 101, making him almost completely average.  He is the father of Mets prospect, Ike Davis.

8.Jerry Mumphrey (1984):  Jerry Mumphrey was “okay”.  He stuck around the big leagues for 15 seasons and made one All-Star game.  In 1984, “Jer” hit .290 and slugged nine home runs.  He was a man amongst boys.  He had better seasons earlier in his career, and retired with an OPS+ of 108, just a tick above average.

7.Ken Reitz (1980): Ken “Zamboni” Reitz was good with the glove, but the guy couldn’t hit a lick.  In 11 big league seasons, he hit .260 (OPS+ 79).  In 1980, he hit .270, which was darn close to his career best.  In ended up being his final big league season.  While a deft fielder, Reitz had a reputation as one of the slowest runners in history.

6.Vance Law (1988):  I have a few Vance Law baseball cards, and I remember him as the guy that wore really creepy glasses.  These things were huge with thin frames, dude looked weird (pictured).  Personal attacks aside, The Long Arm of the Law was a pretty mediocre ballplayer.  He played above-average D, but struggled with the stick.  Law is currently the head baseball coach at BYU (that explains his weird look, no offense).

5.Tom Hume (1982):  Tom Hume was a first round pick that ended up being a mediocre relief pitcher.  Not what you’re looking for with your first round pick.  Hume was decent enough to play in the bigs for 11 seasons.  Over that time, he lost 14 more games than he won and finished with an ERA+ of 98.  Tom worked as the Reds bullpen coach for 11 seasons.

4.Bob Walk (1988): Bob Walk had a very decent career.  He was a major piece for Jim Leyland on some of those good Pirates teams of the late 1990s as he could start and relieve at a pretty average level.  Walk won 105 games, more than he lost, and finished with a ERA+ of 91.  Bob now does radio work for the Pirates.

3.Kevin Bass (1986): Don’t ask me why, but I always though my Kevin Bass baseball cards were “good”.  I thought they would be worth some serious cash.  Turns out that Mr. Bass was downright average, hitting .270 for his career (OPS+ 105), while hitting about eight home runs a year.  He made the 1986 squad as he hit .311 with 20 home runs on a pretty good Houston Astros club.  Two of Bass’ son’s were drafted by a big league team.

2.Pat Tabler (1987): Pat Tabler was another first round pick, that just kind of fizzled.  Tabler, drafted in 1976, made his big league debut in 1981 and started a bit in the mid-1980s.  He played all over the diamond with varying degrees of success.  In 1987 he hit .307 with 11 home runs (a pathetic career high).  For his career, Tabler had an OPS+ of 99, almost exactly mediocre.  Tabby Cat (seriously, that’s his nickname) does TV work with the Blue Jays.

1. Greg Swindell (1989):  Greg Swindell was an effective pitcher for good chunks of his big league career, both as a starter and as a reliever.  Swindell played 17 seasons, which is damn impressive.  He played in one All-Star game, which is damn hilarious.  Swindell made the mid-summer classic in 1989 as a young starter with the Indians.  He went 13-6 that season with an ERA+ of 118.  He transitioned from starter to reliever in 1996, winning a ring with the D’Backs in 2001. He now does TV work with the Diamondbacks.

Top 10 White Centers Since 1980

Chuck Nevitt posts up against Manute Bol.

10. Chuck Nevitt (1.6ppg, 0.7 BPG, 1.5RPG, 155 games):  Nevitt stood at 7’5” and weighed just a tick over 200 pounds.  He was basically a freak show.  He was never a quality player, but got plenty of pub for being so tall and sporting a classic 1980s mustache.

McIlvaine gets murdered by Shaq.

9. Jim McIlvaine (2.7ppg, 3.1 RPG, 1.7 BPG):  McIlvaine signed up with a 64-win Sonics team that nearly beat Jordan and the Bulls.  His MASSIVE contract led to the Sonics becoming financially strapped and forced the club to trade Shawn Kemp.  McIlvaine made over $30M in his career.

Laimbeer man handles a helpless Will Perdue.

8. Bill Laimbeer (12.9 PPG, 9.7 RPB, 0.9 BPG):  Laimbeer was an absolute beast on the boards, he was once a league leader.  He developed a reputation as a badass enforcer and won a pair of titles with the Detroit Pistons.

The Dunking Dutchman

7. Rik Smits (14.8 PPG, 6.1 RPG, 1.3 BPG):  I’ve highlighted the Dunking Dutchman here before.  He was the 7’4” pillar at the center of some very good Pacers teams in the 1990s.

What a glorious perm.

6. Jack Sikma (15.6 PPG, 9.8 RPG, 0.9 BPG):  Sikma is the best player on this list.  He could should the jumper for a 7 footer and shot nearly 90% from the line.  However, his main contribution to the league was the greatest white-man perm in the history of the world.

Pretty sure his feet are still touching the floor.

5. Greg Ostertag (4.6 PPG, 5.5 RPG, 1.7 BPG):  Ostertag was 7’3” of flabby goodness.  He had some quick moves around the rim for a fat man and hung around the league as a decent rebounder and a bit of a hot head.

Is his form correct?

4. Mark Eaton (6.0 PPG, 7.9 RPG, 3.5 BPG): Eaton’s greatness was one of the first issues covered on this site a few months back.  At his peak he was one of the top shot blockers of all-time.  At his worst he was an offensively challenged woolly mammoth of a man.

Taking a quick breather.

3. Raef LaFrentz (10.1 PPG, 6.1 RPG, 1.6 BPG):  LaFrentz was a lottery pick by the Denver Nuggets in the 1998.  He was a quicker player when he was young, but a knee injury his rookie year robbed him of his quickness.  He then became an overpaid version of Danny Ferry.  When it was all said and done he made over $80M playing in the NBA.

...and the crowd goes wild!!!

2. Chris Dudley (3.9 PPG, 6.2 RPG, 1.2 BPG):  Dudley was a teammate guy.  He was never a great player but was always lauded as an exemplary teammate.  Dudley was a freak by NBA standards as a Yale guy.  He is one of the worst free-throw shooters in league history and is currently running for Governor of Oregon.

Living the dream.

1. Shawn Bradley (8.1 PPG, 6.3 RPG, 2.5 BPG):  One of the biggest busts in league history.  Everything about this guy is either funny, weird, or sad.  He was born in Germany, went to college in Utah, went on a Mormon mission trip before entering the draft, was pale, and was 7’6”.  He was also dunked on more than any player in the history of the universe.

Rik Smits

Rik Smits over Greg Ostertag. Nearly 15 feet of pasty, white skin.

Some readers of this site have been pushing for this post.  The site’s co-creator, Alex, said that I had to do it given my Dutch heritage and I didn’t disagree.  I’ve been saying for years that Rik Smits was the exact same player as Yao Ming, he just played during a different era and didn’t enter with quite as much hype.  Still, given his relatively modest career numbers (especially since he was a lottery pick), it’s pretty easy to say that Rik Smits is just another one of the great, white, mediocre centers in NBA history.

Smits was born in Eindhoven, Netherlands in 1966.  He moved to the United States in 1984 and enrolled at Marist University to play basketball.  Smits made a name for himself in the States while at Marist.  He averaged nearly 25 points and 9 boards a game as a senior at Marist and was then drafted by the Indiana Pacers with the second pick of the 1988 draft (Danny Manning went first).

The Dunking Dutchman started his career as a backup in Indiana, but quickly moved into the starting lineup due to some injuries.  For his career, Smits started nearly 90% of the games he played in, including 71 in his rookie season.  That rookie season, Smits took home his only career award as a member of the All-Rookie first team (he did make an All Star team in 1998).  Nice.

In his second season, the clumsy Smits led the NBA in personal fouls as he had trouble keeping his massive 7’4” frame under control.  Smits went on to be the starting center for some really great Pacers teams in the 1990s before retiring with a 14.8 points per game average and 6.1 rebounds.  Those are some mediocre numbers.

However, if one were to dig deeper, Smits was a very productive player who produced at an impressive rate.  Smits minutes were usually limited by his size and fouls.  For his career he only averaged 26 minutes per game.  So, say for example he played actual starter minutes (let’s say 36 minutes a game), it wouldn’t be insane to see Smits putting up 20 points and 10 boards a game.  In other words, Rik Smits is the ORIGINAL Yao Ming.

Both Ming and Smits possessed a series of low post moves to go with terrific range on their jump shots.  Both players also excelled at the free throw line.  For his career, Smits shot over 50% from the field and over 77% from the charity stripe.  An unheard of combination in today’s modern center.

Smits retired after the 1999-2000 season.  Since then he has spent his time collecting and racing old school motorbikes.  I’m not kidding.  Picture a giant like that on a motorbike.  Or better yet, click here.

Doug Christie

(sound of whip cracking)

Say what you want about Doug Christie the basketball player, but he is a DUDE that would NEVER cheat on his wife.  He won’t ever cheat on his wife because she is always there.  More on that later…

Doug Christie the basketball player was pretty decent in his prime.  He has a career scoring average of 11.2 points per game, almost the definition of mediocrity.  I bet you if you looked at the median career scoring average in the history of the NBA, you would find Doug Christies name.

However, Doug never really made his money as a scorer, he was a defensive stopper.  Christie honed his defensive craft at perennial college basketball powerhouse, Pepperdine.  After three years at Pepperdine, Christie was drafted with the 17th overall pick of the 1992 draft.  Doug was drafted by the Seattle SuperSonics (R.I.P.), but didn’t feel like they were offering him enough money.  So, instead of signing with the Sonics and beginning his NBA career, Christie opted to do nothing instead and make no money.  Solid.  By February, the Sonics were sick of Christie’s shenanigans and shipped his broke-ass to the Los Angeles Lakers for the legendary Sam Perkins.

Christie got a little playing time with the Lakers, however, he didn’t really cut it there and was traded to the New York Knicks.  The Christie act didn’t play well in the Big Apple either and a year later the Knicks traded Doug to the Raptors and things really took off.  While in Toronto, Christie put up his BIGGEST scoring numbers, averaging 17 a game in one season and really made a reputation for himself as a defensive stopper.

This reputation continued in Sacramento, where Christie teamed with Chris Webber, Peja Stojakovic, and Vlade Divac on some very good Kings teams.  Christie was seldom hurt in Sacramento and played in nearly every game for four straight years while playing lock down D on guys like Kobe Bryant and chipped in 12 points a game in the process.

After his time with the Kings, Christie kicked around the league as a reserve a bit before finally retiring in 2007 at the age of 36.  Not a bad run for a guy from Pepperdine.

Now, back to this wife of his.  The NBA has long been notorious for having its players cheat on their wives.  Shawn Kemp has at least seven kids out there and even squeaky clean Dwight Howard has a kid with a cheerleader.  Gotta love the NBA.  Anyway, with all of this temptation and hot-to-trot cheerleaders, Doug Christie’s wife made the decision to follow him everywhere while he was a player.  She sat court side at every game and was not at all shy in telling the world how she completely ran her husbands show.  They were such a pair of weirdos that they eventually got their own show on BET about how freaking weird they truly were (are).  Every year they renew their weddings vows on their anniversary and throw a big party.  Hmm.

Doug Christie:  Mediocre player, defensive stopper, whipped like no other man in the history of the world.

Olden Polynice

The "Haitian Sensation" snares another rebound

Olden Polynice is a pretty terrific NBA footnote.  More than that, he is a man.  Do you know anyone, or have your heard of anyone, who has ever been arrested TWICE for impersonating a police officer?  Yeah, didn’t think so.  Olden Polynice has got that on me, you and everyone else in the country.  The guy has no fear and that’s how he played basketball.

Polynice was a lottery pick by the Chicago Bulls back in 1987 after a pretty decent college career at the University of Virginia.  In his three years at Virginia, the big 6’11” center average a paltry 12 points and 7 boards a game.  But we all know that you can’t teach height, so the Bulls thought it wise to draft Olden.  However, they promptly traded Polynice to the Seattle Sonics for their lottery pick,  a guy named Scottie Pippen.  Pippen would go on to become the greatest second fiddle of all-time and an absolute stud on defense.   Polynice?  Well, things went a bit differently for him.

Polynice was traded four times in his career and played for five different teams (he played for two of them twice) and averaged in double figures four times including a career high of 12.5 in 1995-96.  He actually spent the first 6 seasons of his career as a role player.  He got some starts here and there but never really logged any serious minutes.  However, in the middle of the 1993-94 season, Polynice was shipped by the hapless Detroit Pistons to the Sacramento Kings and began to get some serious burn.

Olden was a starter during much of his time in Sacramento and then in Utah.  His teams in Sacramento were not much to write home about, but he was able to catch on at the tail-end of the Malone/Stockton era in Utah and was part of some of the oldest teams in the history of pro sports.  Check out the dudes that played for the 1999-2000 Utah Jazz:

• Olden Polynice, 35 years old
• Karl Malone, 36
• Jeff Hornacek, 36
• John Stockton, 37
• Armen Gilliam, 35

The astounding thing here is that most of these guys got serious playing time.  This team of geriatrics managed to put up 55 wins and finish first in their division.  Polynice helped lead the charge with 5 points and 5 boards a game in a starting role.  Talk about mediocre!

Since retiring, Polynice has done some TV work for the Sacramento Monarchs of the WNBA and has helped raise money for his native Haiti.

Bill Doran

Is that a smile or is he really sad? I can't tell.

This post was the idea of my boss at work so I basically have to get it done today.  His suggestion was to do Bill Doran, a pretty mediocre second baseman from the 1980s and early 1990s.  Doran was a name I remembered from when I was a kid and I’m pretty sure I have a few of his baseball cards at my parents house in Michigan.

Doran got his start in the Houston Astros organization and made his big league debut in 1982 as a late season call up.  In his first full season, 1983, Doran handled the second base duties in Houston and played well enough to pick up a few Rookie of the Year votes after hitting .271 with 12 steals and 8 homers.

Doran’s progression continued over the next seven seasons in Houston.  He usually posted OPS+ totals right around the league average.  Some highlights of his time with the Astros include his 42 steals in 1986 and his 1987 season in which he played all 162 games and hit a career high 16 homers while stealing 31 bases.  Basically, he was a poor man’s Brian Roberts.  Doran also played on the 1986 Astros team which played in one of the more memorable NLCS series of all-time against the New York Mets.

What’s so outstanding and impressive about Doran is that he was ALWAYS about average.  Most guys, even on this site, have a BIG year or two, not Doran.  The guys was consistently mediocre.  His career-high OPS+ was 125, while dipping below 94 just once as a full-time player.  That sort of production is just outstanding.

In 1990, Doran was shipped out of Houston to Cincinnati where he helped the Reds win a World Series.  Playing for the Reds down the stretch that season, Doran hit a robust .373 in 17 games.  He spent the next two years with the Reds before flaming out in only 20-some games in 1993 with the Milwaukee Brewers.

Over the course of his bland, 12 season career, Doran never made an All-Star game and retired with an OPS+ of 106, almost perfectly league-average.  Doran coached a bit in the big leagues after his career was over, but is currently out of baseball.  His son, named after Nolan Ryan, is apparently attempting to be be an actor.  Best of luck to him.

Delino DeShields

Delino had a huge head.

Delino DeShields is one of the great baseball names of the last century.  He is probably the only person on the planet with that name.  Does anyone out there know any one named Delino DeShields?  Yeah, I didn’t think so.  Aside from having a pretty cool name, Delino DeShields is one of the great mediocre base stealers of all time.  He’s right up there with Tom Goodwin and Eric Young.

I’ve been a DeShields fan since using him to steal all kinds of bases on RBI Baseball III for Nintendo.  I’ve also always been a fan of the Expos.  God bless that old team.  Moving on…

DeShields was a first round pick of the Montreal Expos in 1987 out of high school.  Delino debuted with the Expos in 1990 and finished second in the Rookie of the Year voting behind the immortal David Justice.  That season DeShields helped the speedy Expos tear apart the base paths.  DeShields stole 42 bases as a rookie and hit .289.

In 1991, DeShields led the National League in strikeouts as he topped the 150 plateau.  However, he still stole 56 bases and scored 83 runs.  He continued this kind of play for two more years while playing north of the border.  DeShields stole 187 bases in four years with Montreal before getting traded to the Dodgers after the 1993 season.  It was this trade that makes DeShields a bit of a baseball footnote.

In this deal, the Expos sent the speedy DeShields to the Los Angeles Dodgers for a young pitcher named Pedro Martinez.  You really know the rest of the story.  DeShields continued to post high steal and strikeout numbers to go with a low batting average and on base percentage.  Martinez on the other hand, blossomed into an ace and won Cy Young Awards with the Expos and Red Sox.

Delino spent three years with the Dodgers then bounced around the league with the Cardinals, Orioles, and Cubs before falling out of the bigs after the 2003 season.  DeShields played in the bigs for 13 seasons and stole 463 bases.  Not bad.  however, he retired with a career batting average of only .268, which doesn’t cut it for a top-of-the-order guy like DeShields.

DeShields currently manages minor league ball in the Reds organization.  He is married and has five children, all of whom have names starting with the letter “D”.  Awesome.  In fact, his son Delino Jr. (I guess there is more than one Delino DeShields) is one of the top running back prospects in the country.